Diligent MOGger Blair a.k.a. satisfiedmind2 got into the Olympic spirit last week and began posting his own music-scene medal-winners, his personal MOG-Olympics, starting with the "Best Song Title of the Year So Far" event: http://mog.com/satisfiedmind2/blog/180987
To date, he’s done five in all. I was inspired, and suggested "Hottest Guitar Hook/Lick" and "Craziest Lyric," but, at the time, I was too busy with personal matters to oversee those competitions. Anyone is free to take up the gauntlet – carry the torch, if you will.
Meanwhile, I’ve decided to participate by judging "Most Embarrassing Public Gaffe by a Pop Musician" – an honor that, in the early 1970s, actually went to the late John Lennon for wearing a tampon on his head in a Hollywood nightclub while blitheringly drunk.
And I know you all see what’s coming.
Winning the Bronze Medal in this event for crazily shaving her head last year, as well as being a crappy, court-designated-as-incompetent mother, and whining more awful, banal dance-pop and histrionic power-balladry than could be humanly stomached: It’s America’s vapid trailer-park diva Britney Spears, y’all!
Securing the Silver Medal, for getting jailed in April (yet again) on probation breaches and being moved to a private area of Wormwood Scrubs prison after authorities learned that fellow inmates were planning to attack him (for undermining his band? for contributing to the delinquency of former flame, model Kate Moss? for being a heroin-and-crack-sucking drug addict and squandering what petty talent he has? for smoking marijuana in front of Moss’ daughter on a jaunt to the London Zoo, and then tossing the joint into the penguin habitat, where one of the birds ate it?): Give it up for doped-up Pete Doherty – ex-Libertines and sometime Babyshambles singer-songwriter and the U.K.’s prince of tabloid excess!
And, in a runaway, the Gold Medal goes to none other than England’s scabbed-up soul-singing sweetheart Amy Winehouse, for not just one embarrassing gaffe in public, but the complete and utter abuse of her obvious vocal and songwriting skills and considerable onstage charisma - and a seemingly unending string of loopy and self-destructive acts on stage, in studios, in the clubs, and on the streets. Stupefied, she’ll wander around her neighborhood at night in her bra and panties! During a high-profile set at a rock fest, she’ll go to the lip of the stage and kick a fan in the face! She’ll slug a fellow clubgoer with little provocation! She’ll take enough drugs to turn a once-healthy, attractive woman into a sickly, scarred, stick-thin wraith! She’s a mess!
Just for fun, here’s a shot of our two biggest losers…um…winners celebrating together! Way to go, kids!
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If your letting Pete Dougherty babysit your children, you might need a piss test yourself.
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Woohoo, another brace of medals for team GB!
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You can have Ms. Spears too, Jox. Then it'll be a sweep for y'all.
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contrabandwidth: You know the girl needs a piss test. She was sharing more than a bed with that jackass.
Jox: I actually spontaneously laughed when I saw your comment. As a result, the other people in the cafe thought I was acting loonier than usual. The price of nationalism, I guess.
Cody: Can we extradite her as soon as possible?
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These girls did pretty well, beating out 2004's gold medalist Ashlee Simpson for her SNL appearance.
or did that win, "Best ProTools Vocal Performance". i forget........
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Robin: O.K. I'll admit that Pete looks a little on the androgynous side and he is a major fuck-up. But calling him a girl? That's just cruel. (You are correct. Ashlee was definitely an Olymipan in this event and double-medalled by grabbing the "Best ProTools Vocal Performance" gold.)
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Can't argue with your choices Mike, but surely Simon Cowell deserves a medal for single handedly destroying Pop culture and turning it into a karaoke game show.
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Ben: I'd call that deserving of a special lifetime achievement award - and incarceration.
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With Gary Glitter presumably ????
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That may be the most uncomfortable-looking, least erotic kiss EVAR!
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Ben: Sounds about right.
Dale: Kiss? They're just trading pills.
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heheheh - loved this one SIR Cutlery !!! As I do them all ;)
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mike, no mention of Lindsey Lohan? I know she is not known for her music but gee-zus talk about a slow moving car wreck
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LGE: As ever, fanks fer yer support!
Rawk: LiLo has had some blushworthy escapades in the past, but none as ridick as these clowns. And, yes, she's much more an actress than a pop musician, although that film career of hers is in free-fall - mostly from bad choices in projects.
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This just in: At the 2012 Olympics, the lighting of the torch at the opening ceremonies is going to be done by our dear Amy. She'll stagger up to the torch in her high heels and short shorts, careful not to spill the martini in her hand, then pull the fag end from between her lips and toss it into the torch. Flame on!
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and from a lack of any sort of work ethic
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Jonh: I can see it now. (Seriously, if she's still alive in 2012, don't bet against this scenario happening.)
Rawk: Yep. When you take on a job, do the damn thing!
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wow... to see the years of training that must have gone in to reaching such superhuman heights of debauchery, the dedication to the foul and wanton, brings - well, a smirk to my lips... does our hunger for tabloid infected reality fuel their engine of low based innovation, or is it something else... I think that you're right - the torch we may be seeing by 2012 may look more like a funeral pyre where they are being lit - rather than doing the lighting...
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van: I'd have to say that your question - "... does our hunger for tabloid infected reality fuel their engine of low based innovation" - is pretty astute, and I'd have to answer with a hearty "maybe."
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I give this post the silver metal in the category of Your Best MOG Posts ever. I won't give it a silver one, because you always manage to surpass yourself :)
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Ack! I meant "I won't give it a gold one"....
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I'm so honored. I want to give a shout-out to my family, my writing partner, the Academy...wait. Sorry. That's my Oscar acceptance speech. Thanks anyway, Anna.